A Boy's Needs

Boys and girls are different, this is an established fact, but I was surprised by how truly different they are when I had my son.  I have been attempting to raise him for 3 and a half years now, and I have noticed that boys have things that are essential in their lives.  This is by no means belittling or making light of girls and their needs…but I have noticed lately that I have been telling several people who are new parents of a boy that there are certain things they “need” to have.

1^st, boys must have cars.  These cars need to vary in size from Hot Wheels size to dump truck size.  I have also noted that just a few of these are NOT enough, as you cannot have a proper sized town or destruction derby with only a handful of cars.  I have come to believe that 30 cars is a minimum, where for proper racing and destruction 50 is better.  We never taught our son how to play with cars…he came that way from God, I just know it!!  Cars never just drive on the “road”, they must go at ramming speed…all the time!  And there are a lot of crashes…noisy, bashing, run for cover so you don’t get hit by an errant hot wheel crashes.  Add some planes and helicopters in there and a good time will be had by all boys! 

2^nd, boys must have action figures.  I have recently come to the realization that these are like cars, in that there is a minimum of 30…in varying sizes.  The first action figures my son had were Thor (because of his heritage), and Captain America…this was the first battle our house experienced.  Then we bought him some of those Imaginext Batman toys, this is when my son’s love affair with Batman began, those little Batmans went everywhere with him.  So I pulled out our dvd’s of the animated series, and started showing them to him…3 months later I could finally try Justice League.  By this point in time I have no idea how many Batmans we have, but I do know that he beats up everyone…apparently Superman is no match for Batman.  At this point in time all action figures work, but the super hero ones trounce the others all the time.

3^rd, boys must have a cape.  Now whether it is a piece of orange fleece or an actual cape with a symbol doesn’t matter, all that matters is that he can put it over his head and run through the house with it billowing behind him.  And trust me when I say that the value of the cape is measured by its ability to billow in the wind.  The first cape my son had, and still has, is an orange piece of fleece that I cut a v shape in and tied in a knot.  He wore it all the time, even when sleeping…washing it was like trying to wash Casey’s Pooh.  In other words it had to be stolen and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth for the entire length of time that it was being washed and dried.  He now has several capes, one that is reversible with Batman on one side and Superman on the other.

4^th, and probably most important, boys need a person willing to give them whatever they want whenever they want it…like chocolate milk and ice cream.  My son has his grandmother…and she sees it as her job in life to corrupt small boys.  She feeds him ice cream whenever he requests it, and if we don’t have anything I am told very pointedly that “the boy is out of ice cream”.  The same goes for chocolate milk…often is the Saturday night where I am standing in line at the grocery store with milk and chocolate because “the boy can’t make it till Monday”.  I come downstairs in the morning and find my son sitting on the table with the butter tub between his legs and my mother handing him a spoon.  The corrupting influence of an old lady is a most important piece of a boy’s development…who else lets them get dirty and wet in their suit?!

All in all boys are just as high maintenance as girls are, only in different ways, and with different needs.  Here’s to the 50+ cars and 50+ action figures that we step on in the wee morning hours, here’s to the ice cream and chocolate milk for breakfast, and here’s to our boys…may we love them enough to give in to their needs!!