Once upon a time Angie and I lived in a 24 foot 5th wheel trailer next to my parents living in a 38 foot 5th wheel trailer; in a terrifying trailer park in Hemet California. We had just finished college and were both looking for jobs, while Angie worked as a substitute for the school district. Anyway we were all poor…very poor, but we had each other and a place to lay our heads. In December of 2004 we decided that as Christmas was approaching we would take a small amount of money and buy little things for each other at thrift stores, I think we had more fun shopping than opening the gifts!
On one such occasion we went to several stores and I hadn’t found anything, not even something for myself, and I was becoming discouraged. We went to one last one that had a large front window, and sitting in that front window was this very large duck. I smiled at him as I walked in and looked around, the stuff in this particular store was a little more money than we were really able to spend, and so I walked out still with nothing and we were about to go home as it was starting to rain. My mother and I were standing out front and again that duck was smiling at me, I reached into my pocket to see how much money I had…$6. I thought there is no way that I could get that duck for that, I frowned and looked back at him…Angie and Mom were already across the street waiting by the car. I swear that duck said “please, just try!” So what else do you do when a large stuffed duck in a store window speaks to you?! I went back in and asked the guy, he looked at me and said that he had been there a long time…I almost cried…and said he would sell him for $5. I handed over the money and ran over and picked him up and walked out with his head over my shoulder.
Mom and Angie had these really odd, eyebrow raised, looks on their faces as I came across the street to the car. I put him in the backseat and got in the car, neither one of them asked…they just looked at me. All I said was that he spoke to me, they both nodded and off we went. That was 7 years ago and little did I know then why he spoke to me and why he had to be a part of my life. I had no idea until very recently why Jakers (that’s what I named him) has been with me everywhere I have moved to.
Jakers has sat in the corner of almost every room my husband and I have slept in, even with all the times we moved Jakers NEVER went to storage. He happily sat in the corner next to my side of the bed when I moved into my new husband’s home. He joyfully sat on a chair in the room we rented from a lady after we sold that home. When we moved into the apartment where I had Casey, he patiently sat in a corner in her room watching her grow. When we moved into our home, I set Jakers first back in Casey’s room…but he just didn’t seem like he went there. I moved him after I had Ryan Jr into his room shortly before I started to put Ryan in his own bed, and Jakers seemed happier. Since I moved the twin bed into his room I moved Jakers back to my room and sat him next to the wall in front of the tv, and he seemed exstatic…and I had no idea why until a few months ago.
When my husband and I are upstairs we put Bubble Guppies on in our bedroom for Ryan to watch and still be relatively close to us. I went in there a few months ago while he was watching tv, I think I had to pee, and there was my son laying happily on Jakers. I cried and I took a picture. This is now Ryan’s ritual: Watch guppies while laying on Jakers. I don’t think I have ever seen Jakers this happy. The whole thing came together for me while I was vacuuming in my bedroom the other day…because as I started to vacuum Ryan pulled Jakers out and plopped on top of him, and I swear as I looked at that duck, he said “thank you for coming back for me.”
I stopped and I cried with the realization that Jakers knew when he saw me that my son, who wouldn’t be born for 5 years, would love him…and he would be happy. Thank you Jakers for speaking to me, and thank you for loving my son and being his pillow. Here’s to you for understanding the bigger picture long before I even knew what was coming.
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